he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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