VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
