I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
