angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
