Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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