I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize