Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
