you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn