dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
