dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
