When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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