I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
