Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
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