Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
