3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Randomize
