just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize