My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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