No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
