It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
