She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
