Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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