hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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