kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
