Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
