this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
