If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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