Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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