You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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