I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
