Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
