things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Your dad touched me again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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