LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
