He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
