there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
