glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
