just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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