after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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