remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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