Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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