Screwed.edu
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't deserve a penis
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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