I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
