Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
