Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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