conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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