goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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