Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
