I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
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while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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