I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
