So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You are the jesus of drinking
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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