after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
