Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
