I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
