it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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