You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
