dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just cropdusted the office
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
