I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
