I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
