My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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