Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
