He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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